To be Abandoned

To be abandoned is the most painful
experience one can endure shy of
a painful death. This is the voice of
experience; I've in fact died painful
deaths on numerous occasions.
Always, one can bounce back, can
re-assemble themselves from ashes;
abandonment, however, is not
a phenomenon one can ever shrug
off. What part of me is broken,
what part of me is worth no bit
of devotion despite years of
unadulterated devotion poured
out? Goes the refrain. If there was
any love at all, could I have been
left out in the cold, alone, as I was,
like a smelly, soaking mutt?
Who could be so callous as to
render useless one already broken
and alone and deeply disturbed?
How could that Who be the one
I had chosen over all others? Am I
really that stupid? No, only mislead
by the heart I must conclude. But
isn't the heart the only true leader?
Not if you're afraid of abandonment
I must insist.

(2007)