Creation Day

OK, the pope is on board now.
He joined the masses for
Save Creation Day. What I
think he doesn't realize is that
creation is full of events and
scenarios your average person
would find objectionable.
Take snail sex for example.
I happen to find it one of
the most cathartic phenomena
I've ever witnessed; it is to
true love what DNA is to
solving crimes. Could the pope
stomach two snails in gooey
embrace, latched together
as if they were sharing their
very insides? It's hard to
imagine, the pope accepting
it, that is. Save Creation,
he declares. Does he really want
fire ants to be saved? Even I,
lover of all living things, am
hard pressed to say I'd like
to see fire ants survive.
How about hardened pimps,
or insurance-claims adjusters,
the fair-weather friends, or
the two-faced turncoat spouses?
Does His Holiness mean
for us to save them too?
It's all or nothing, you know,
Your Honor. If we're going
to save the world, we've got
to save the swine and
the righteous nymphomaniac
snails alike. Are you sure you're
ready for this? I know I am.

(2007)