New Species

How long did it take them, Gary?
Only thousands of years. Here we've
been the whole time, tucked away
in our quiet corner of the globe.
For hundreds of years we've been
hearing tell of all the thousands of
species discovered across the world.
When will they find us? we've
wondered. Then Ann came back
from a trip somewhere and tells us
we've been found. I'm still not sure
what good it does us. Now a bunch
of strangers will be stomping around,
isn't that right, Tom? Now they'll
give us stupid names, taking credit
for our existence by working their
own names into the names they
give us. I just don't know about
all this, Gary. I mean really, are we
supposed to be grateful that from
here out we'll be known as
Martinbille parrots or Boggins frogs
or some other objectionable epithet?
Will there be any benefits to our
being found being found, do you
think, Ann? We'll probably make
the cover of a single National
Geographic and then we'll be
forgotten, just like so many others
before us, discovered when there
was nothing to discover, doomed
to go down in history with
ridiculous names, remembered
in fact mostly for those very
stupid names themselves, and
washed away due to boatloads of
progress and money-grubbing. So
few actually bother to witness the
world, save for this new brand of
so-called eco-tourist. I tell you,
Tom, one of them tries to get
near me, he'll be singing a brand
new song about the wonders of
the wild. What are we, mere
pets for them to stuff? No. I say
we begin acts of aggression against
them as soon as possible. So they
might just walk away. So we might
have any chance at all of survival.

(2007)