The Great Cosmic Nothingness

BBC tells me astronomers have
discovered an enormous void of
nothingness nearly a billion
light years across, somewhere
out there in the cosmos.
The thing that irritates me is
the scientists can't be sure what
they mean by 'nothingness.'
While they're debating the use
of appropriate terms for
communicating with the public,
I'm trying to get my message
across: that's MY nothingness!
It bothers me that grown men
would stake claim to something
they don't even understand.
Fools. I saw the press conference;
with a straight face, a scientist
proclaimed, "We've discovered
a vast, a huge, an enormous, well,
nothingness." Use of the word
'discovered' is merely to ensure
someone gets discovery rights
and has the void named after
his or her precious self.
Not that a single one of them
has any idea what to do with a
massive nothingness. I,
however, am quite well schooled
in how to put nothingness
to good use. Why do you think
I would've hoarded such a
monolithic chunk of it? Not
that this hoarding of nothing is
an endeavor I would ever have
asked for. When a bear goes
to sleep for six months, do you
really think it's a conscious
decision? Same here.

(2007)