Scowl

I have seen the mind of my generation
devoured by its own immune system,
the heart of us all ruined by
the vice of its own innocence.

I have known would-be men
who crumbled before The Great Gender Shakeup,
who began decent and right as rain
only to find the decent always lose.

I escape, am escaping, with those
who dissolve by 9pm in glasses of beer,
who try nightly to outrun the world gone amok.

We have witnessed the world reach junctures
when it really should have killed itself
but it didn't and we're still here drinking.

I have stood by watching scorn
consume my body and the corpses of those around me,
who rose, as children, to days of no possible future.

I pace in circles of disbelief now
that any of us has the will to press on,
past the bits and pieces of us in smithereens.

We all scowl and wonder where the goodness
in women and men has gone, where it's hiding,
what happened to its courage, and
whether or not it will ever pay a visit again.

I have stared without turning away as
the strongest hearts I've known whimpered to death
in the face of so many no-heart laws.

I have watched, with loathing, as realism
has taken the form of the Devil's work.

I have seen myself become a man and then
be ashamed to be a man.

I have learned compassion and then
realized I'm a fool.

I was there at the assassination of our soul.

I remember what the world was like when we had souls, all of us,
and wonder how much it will take,
how many shocks, how much juice,
to bring them back to us again.

And what good are days without souls for now?

What good is speaking or moving
with no expectation of a soul's participation?

I have seen the heart of us all in ruins and
just can't picture how she could ever re-emerge
from ashes and soot so deep,
offering up meaning like candy to everyone again,
grown children dying long, lonely deaths.

I can't but stand and scowl now,
waiting for the light to change,
waiting to finally, really get somewhere
when I move.

(2005)