Perks of Being American

5. Getting to say, "American," when someone asks your citizenship.

4. Getting to say, "American. Yes, we've destroyed your country several times in the last 50 years."

3. Just barely having access to some of the best health care in the world (if you're lucky).

2. Just barely having access to (the world's worst) educations (if you're rich).

1. Countless opportunities to explain how your commander-in-chief doesn't really represent you.